


Eleventh Time

by hunghong



Series: MXbingo Winter 2017 [2]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, This Is Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-16
Updated: 2017-02-16
Packaged: 2018-09-24 22:51:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9790664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hunghong/pseuds/hunghong
Summary: Eleventh timenoun1. the last possible moment for doing something





	

Kihyun sits groggily on the seat that is prepared for him. In front of him, there is a screen and a headset, complete with a mic for him to talk to. He shoots a look at Hoseok once, which is replied by a nod, and then wears the headset.

A man pushes a button and steps back, giving Kihyun a space for himself. Kihyun blinks at the screen, which is showing an idle screen with a logo of ‘Eleventh Time’ at the moment. There’s a whirring sound coming from the headset, a blink of light on the edge of the screen, then nothing. Silence is filling the room once again and Kihyun almost backs away, leaving whatever it is that might be coming.

But then, the screen changes and a rustling voice comes from the headset. Minhyuk’s face appears on the screen. His eyes are blinking and he tilts his head several times, looking like he’s checking if the connection is working.

Kihyun freezes on his spot. His eyes are trained on the screen and his whole body turns rigid. His heart feels like it’s missing from his chest and he forgets how to breathe.

It’s Minhyuk right there. Lee Minhyuk.

“Kihyunnie?” Minhyuk speaks and his voice floods Kihyun’s ears along with a storm of memories. “Kihyunnie, can you hear me?”

Kihyun _can_ hear Minhyuk but he can’t answer. His hands are covering his mouth and he is shaking. His eyes are blown and glassy. He nods—it takes him a lot to do that but he nods—then he reaches to the screen, running the tips of his fingers on it, tracing Minhyuk’s cheeks.

Minhyuk smiles. His smile is still the same; all teeth and gums. The smile reaches his eyes and it’s all the things that Kihyun has been yearning to see. “Hi,” he says, softly, “How are you?”

Kihyun tries to talk but there’s a lump in his throat that prevents him from doing so. A drop of tear is falling to his cheek and he hurriedly wipes it, scoffing a laugh because he feels funny all over. “I’m— I’m good,” he lies. “I’m good, Min. I’m— I miss you,” he breathes out, finally giving up in holding his tears and letting them fall freely on his face.

“Hey, why are you crying?” Minhyuk scolds with a little laugh. “Come on, aren’t you happy to see me?”

Minhyuk blinks, and the blink is uneven. Kihyun’s heart is bursting at this; at the smallest things that might look like nothing, but he loves so much from Minhyuk. Kihyun chuckles while running his hands on his face, trying to wipe his tears away. “I’m— yeah, I’m happy to see you.”

“Ehhh,” Minhyuk backs away from the screen a bit. His face is contorting in a mock displeasure. “That doesn’t sound like you. _My_ Kihyunnie would never admit that. What did you do to my Kihyunnie? Give me back my Kihyunnie!” Minhyuk demands, clearly playing around with Kihyun. A fleeting smile is hanging on his face and there’s a lilt in his eyes. He loves to tease Kihyun. Even now.

“I—,” Kihyun starts but his own laughter stops him. He smiles wide, enjoying the bubbly feeling that Minhyuk is still capable making him feel. But then, his smile drops. There’s a gnawing feeling that is ripping his chest, tearing down his slight moment of happiness and overwhelming him in a go. There are a thousand spears stabbing him from the inside. The guilty feeling. The regret. His tears are coming out again and he is having a hard time in suppressing his sobs. Forcing himself to smile, he pushes out an answer, “Well now I’m admitting it. I’m happy to see you. Really happy.”

“Hmmm? Is that so?” Minhyuk hums softly, looking happy because of Kihyun’s answer. He takes a breath and releases it, “How have you been, Ki? Have you been eating well? Sleeping well?”

“Y— yeah,” Kihyun lies again. “I made pizza. For you. I made pizza for you.”

“Really? Hand made pizza?” Minhyuk’s eyes shine.

The pizzas were all burnt, but Minhyuk doesn’t need to know that. Kihyun nods. His voice is failing him so he just nods.

“Hmmm,” Minhyuk hums contently. He rests his chin on the back of his palm, filling the screen with the close up of his face. He only stares at Kihyun while moving his head left and right slowly for a couple of minutes and Kihyun is almost hoping that this moment will last forever—with they both staring at each other like this—but even _that_ is too good to be true. Minhyuk exhales a long breath at one point and Kihyun could feel that his time is running out. “Hey, Ki,” Minhyuk calls, “Don’t you have anything that you want to say to me?”

There are a lot of things that Kihyun wants to say to Minhyuk. There are a lot of things that he should have said to Minhyuk but he didn’t. There are a lot of things left unsaid, a lot of things bottled in the base of his throat, wanting to be spelled out. There are a lot of things, but Kihyun could only remember one.

“I love you,” he spells out loud and clear. “I love you. Okay, Min? I should have— I should have told you the truth. Always. I have always been in love with you. I— I love you. I know I’ve never told you that in person. But I— I do. I love you. You hear me, Minhyukkie? I love you, okay?” Kihyun takes a shaky breath. His whole body is trembling and what’s coming out of his mouth is a screeching voice that reflects how torn and frayed he is inside. “I love you. From the moment I met you for the first time, I’ve loved you. I wanted to say it to you but my pride was in the way. I couldn’t. I should have done that a million times before, but I couldn’t. And that’s— that’s the one thing I regret the most in my life. I— I love you.”

“Hey.” Minhyuk reaches for the screen and presses his hand to where Kihyun’s palm is pressing. “It’s okay. I know,” he says softly. “I know, Ki, I know. Don’t worry, I know.”

“It’s just— When I knew it, it was suddenly too late. I want to say it to you but I can’t do it anymore and it kills me. I was so, _so_ stupid. I took you for granted. I should have been better for you. To you. I should have cherished you. You are the best thing that ever happened to me and I just—”

Kihyun’s breath hitches and it’s obvious that he is hyperventilating. Hoseok is closing in to him, placing a hand on his back and asking him to take it easy, but he just swats the older away. His hands are clutching to the monitor.

“Forgive me,” Kihyun whispers in between his tears. “Forgive me, Minhyukkie.”

Minhyuk just smiles. There are tears brimming in his eyes but he doesn’t say anything to Kihyun. He just stares at Kihyun while smiling.

“Forgive me,” Kihyun sobs, “Forgive me for being stupid. Forgive me for all the things I didn’t say and do.”

Hoseok has to hold Kihyun because the man is leaning towards the screen so much that he is falling from his chair. Kihyun is so weak. He is so thin and it pains Hoseok to feel the barely there weight in his arms. Hoseok pulls Kihyun when the younger starts to wail and scream at the same moment, begging Minhyuk to forgive him while Minhyuk just cries there, not opening his mouth even for the slightest bit.

Kihyun falls down on the floor at one point. He was struggling so hard that Hoseok has to pull him down, pinning him to the ground. Kihyun is thrashing about. He is crying. Sobbing. Wailing. Once he’s down to the floor, he curls up to himself, shaking violently while hugging himself. The headphone is still on but he hears nothing. Minhyuk is still there, silent like he has never been before.

Kihyun’s sobs die down eventually. He gives up. His body gives up. He goes limp in Hoseok’s arms, powerless and pretty much lifeless. Soft sobs are still coming out from him.

Deep down, Kihyun doesn’t want to be forgiven. He doesn’t want to feel relieved. He doesn’t want the guilt to seep out of him. He doesn’t want the pain to go away. He wants it to be there; vivid and real, a reminder of what he has done. A reminder of Lee Minhyuk.

With a final whisper, Kihyun spells out his one and only wish to Minhyuk, “Let me join you.”

The Minhyuk on the screen smiles. Behind all the yells that Hoseok is throwing at Kihyun, saying how Minhyuk is _dead_ and how Kihyun should move on after this instead of being like this, Kihyun still could hear Minhyuk’s pretty voice as he answers, “I’ll be waiting, Kihyunnie.”  


_[Eleventh Time is an artificial intelligence that is developed specifically to give a last chance for a grieving person to say all the unsaid things to their deceased loved ones. It takes the form and voice of the deceased ones while reacting based on what it perceives the grieving person wants to see and hear.]_

**Author's Note:**

> special thanks with egg for ao3 user chaepoetato, rollingmelon, and peachrabbit for being this fic's godmothers


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